13 Fictional Characters I Wouldn't Kick Out of Bed For Eating Crackers

I made this list under another name about a year ago on this very blog but I thought it would be worth using again. Especially since that means I won't have to compose a new list. ;) I was never the type of teenager who lusted after the heartthrob of the day whomever he happened to be. For example, Zac Ephron, most currently of HSM 2 fame where he sings a whole bunch of angsty numbers with the same exact expression frozen on his face. (The first movie was really good, I actually liked it very much. 2 is terrible and I almost included it on last weeks list. The only good number is the curiously homoerotic baseball/anti-dancing number) But at any rate, my little loves were always guys who didn't even exist. So here's my list of thirteen of em.

1. Batman: Or more specifically Bruce Wayne, despite the fact that he is possessed of possibly the gayest name ever (Bruce Wayne? Come on people) and eventually ends up living with a vaguely post adolescent boy he's incredibly sexy. So tortured and raw and hovering on the edge of insanity all the time but using that edge to fight evil. Sweet. Even though I find him wholly unattractive on a larger scale Michael Keaton's portrayal of Batman is the only one I accept. Also nowhere in his movie does anyone say anything that makes me want to start them on fire with my eyes like, "Bruce it's me Barbara. I'm Batgirl." Ugh.


2. Simon Templar: Another character possessed of flaws that should make a man unacceptable (and in reality certainly would) but somehow just make him incredibly hot. Simon has all the factors that almost always make a character spicy to me. Terrible past, slightly shady and yet inherently good at the same time, and just a touch of insanity. Even though he's a killer and a liar (the book) and a man whore who will sleep with anything with a vagina for anything from secret plans to extra foam on his latte (the movie) there's just something about Simon that screams, "I am immanently doable."


3. Valerius Magnus and Zarek...Magnus (I guess): Sherrilyn Kenyon surely is a writer I must admire when she can take a premise that is patently absurd and make me devour them like they're coated in crack. The idea behind these books is completely, utterly ridiculous but the men in those Dark Hunter books are like incineration level hot. Especially Valierus and Zarek (spoiler alert) half brothers of the same father who grew up not on the best of terms with each other. For sheer yumminess I have to go with Val whose uptight ways and tragic past intermingle to create this package that I would be more than willing to have sex up against a wall with. (Another spoiler, sorry.) But for sheer psycho hotness I have to go with Zarek who is balancing right on the edge of complete insanity but you gotta love him anyway. And, if given the chance, who wouldn't want to love him anyway?


4. Will Turner: I know, it's a gimmee but it isn't just that he's played by Orlando Bloom although I ain't gonna lie that's a gosh darn benefit. Will is a great character who has strong...character. I encourage my pirate loving son to go for Will Turner marketing because Will is a strong, silent, manly guy who does what needs to be done regardless of the personal cost. Who wouldn't want to get a...sword from a guy like that?


5. Rome Masters- from the book Playing With Fire by Gena Showalter. Rome is animalisticly attractive. In fact he is part animal. And let's face it, what chick doesn't think that's hot.



6. Indiana Jones-come on admit to your childhood fantasies about good old Indy. You wanted to be a part of the grand archaeological adventure where you'd get to save the world, kiss the tasty professor and melt some Nazi face. At least I did. But then again I wanted to marry a guy exactly like Egon Spengler from Ghostbusters so possibly I lack a certain amount of judgment in this department. "Egon, this reminds me of the time that you tried to drill a hole through your head." "That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me."


7. Hmm, Egon Spengler. This wasn't on my list before but now that I think about it I'm adding it now. I always did love him. There's just something about a guy with a giant brain that just does something for me.


8. J.R. Damien- from the early nineties book Break the Night by Anne Stuart. I actually think these might have been reprinted sometime in the last few years. This book is incredible and JR is painfully sexy. I don't know that I'd use the word hot so much as sexy. It just rolls off him in waves. Read it if you can. I highly recommend it.


9. Snape- Yeah, call me nuts but Snape does something for me. Maybe it's the fact that he's played by Alan Rickman who I think is smoking but there's just something about a man I don't quite understand who has plans and allegiances that no one understands. Is he bad, is he good, is he both? No one knows until the end of the series what the heck he is and man is that hot.


10. Davy Dempsey- from Faking It by Jennifer Crusie. Jeez, I love that book. I would recommend it to anyone who would listen and then I'd tell them twice. Davy is wonderful. Not just sexy but amazing. Charming and funny and constantly coming to the rescue of everyone even people he doesn't like even though he's a crook and a con man. There's just something about a guy who makes his own rules without being a rebel for no particular reason, which I hate, that just does it for me. Davy's awesome. I want one.


11. Edward Scissorhands. Okay I admit that this may just be a result of the fact that I saw this movie at a very sensitive time of my sexual development but I felt so sorry for the guy I was in the bathroom at the movie theater crying my eyes out and some girl who was about six came in and asked me, "What movie did you see?" in awe of my sob fest. I said, "Edward Scissorhands." And then she patted me on the back and said, "That is a sad movie." Comforted in the restroom by a preschooler. That's me. But I never did see why they didn't just get him some prosthetic hands or something. He could have tried them out on me.



12. Dr. Damien Cole from the book Dark Desires by Eve Silver. Good heavens the sexual tension in this book is so thick you could pry it open with a crowbar. And why shouldn't it be? Cole is all kinds of hot. There's nothing like the totally tortured good guy/bad guy. Is he the best guy you've ever met or a serial killer. Eh, sometimes you have to go on faith, right?



13. Eli Masterson from the book Baby Jane Doe by Julie Miller. I was fascinated by Eli from an earlier book where he'd played only a small part. For one I find the name Eli extremely sexy and for two I really do think there's something about the cold, stalwart type that just makes you want to dig underneath. I especially like that he has a relationship in this book with an older woman, not that that's a favorite theme of mine but in this case it just really adds to the book. I just like the image of see how hot the cool, collected type can get.



Happy TT. Go read something!!!


Amber